What I hate Today

What I hate today is security.
You have security
and I dont
Youre free
You could go home with any of the pretty girls that love you
and you love the attention they give
I am bound.
I was self conscious before, now my self image is shattered
I could never.

I hate that you didnt see me run today
and that you werent proud of me
I hate that you didnt listen to all the songs I did today
and they didnt make you think of me

I hate how I had a million things to say,
and only got two of them out
and I wonder if you even truly cared

I hate that I didnt run into you today at starbucks
like I'd planned out in my head
and I couldnt look upon you with disdain, shed a tear and say,
'I have to go back to work now.'
...and you would follow.

I hate that you didnt see me knee deep in beets,
peeling and cutting and freezing and steaming
and then laugh when the girls did at my blood red hands

I hate that youre satisfied
out of vindictiveness
I would love to severely inconvenience you
or put you out on the line
but the gentle part of my heart wouldnt allow it