red jumpsuit

It was like that time when I was standing at the front
It was hot out, and people were pushing
They were all bigger than me and excited to see the set
And then I started to go again, the sweat began to break, and my vision tunneled
My body felt tingly and weak
I didnt even know if I was breathing or not
Probably not.
Someone noticed.
I felt hands around my waist and my tiny shoes slowly…slipped…off... my tiny feet

I woke up in a security guards arms
My shoes and a bottle of fresh water close at hand
And she came to meet me
We’d missed out again.
Because of me.
we didn’t hear one song

ghost lake

I never expected to be the last one
Hang on until youre the only one left
And really, it gets old being up there all alone

ashley pinto

He looked at me and said, Natalie,
and then tapped his two fingers against the front of his bald black head and said,
find a place in here, where you can sleep
that’s what I wanted to do so badly
Sleep.
And forget everything
I wished so many times my memory would fail me
But she never did
She just kept storing pictures and sounds and smells
Painful places
And everytime a strip had been torn off my heart and never returned,
Left for dead in the wayside
She remembered

So repeat the phrase
Ive seen harder days
So this should be ok

what I hate Today 2

Even though I barely remember,
I know,
I sobbed bare naked in your arms for the second time

If it weren’t for my abrasive childish mannerism
Maybe social grace could have saved this
The social façade
It keeps me floating still
It drowns the memories of what I hate
I hate that you’ve slept in this bed with me
And that you drove me home
I hate that you kiss my back in the morning when you leave
And then you leave me alone

had

Shouldve left my heart at the door
To match my clothes on your hotel floor
I fell in love with your dark brown curly hair
We layed in bed and said the Lords Prayer
If this keeps up they’ll start to whisper
She is such a little…

And the time came when the risk to remain
Was much more painful
Than the risk it took to abstain

We talked of sin
Moments before your fingers transpired my skin
Familiar strangers were around
And then slowly your softness slid down
If this keeps up they’ll start to whisper
She’s been all over …

And the time came when the risk to remain
Was far more painful
Than the risk it took to abstain

Would Have
Have
Have me
I Have been Had

angel

No matter how nice it was outside
It was always cold on the back porch

Like the aura of the house
The mansion
I had to sit and watch
I couldn’t get the water out of her lungs
I couldn’t get the blood out of her brain
Her blue eyes teared and it tore
She kept my secrets
But she never knew the truth
That even though I stood by with a loving hand
It was her that gave me strength
I needed her
The loneliness was too real with her gone
And I couldn’t clot her blood

What I hate Today

What I hate today is security.
You have security
and I dont
Youre free
You could go home with any of the pretty girls that love you
and you love the attention they give
I am bound.
I was self conscious before, now my self image is shattered
I could never.

I hate that you didnt see me run today
and that you werent proud of me
I hate that you didnt listen to all the songs I did today
and they didnt make you think of me

I hate how I had a million things to say,
and only got two of them out
and I wonder if you even truly cared

I hate that I didnt run into you today at starbucks
like I'd planned out in my head
and I couldnt look upon you with disdain, shed a tear and say,
'I have to go back to work now.'
...and you would follow.

I hate that you didnt see me knee deep in beets,
peeling and cutting and freezing and steaming
and then laugh when the girls did at my blood red hands

I hate that youre satisfied
out of vindictiveness
I would love to severely inconvenience you
or put you out on the line
but the gentle part of my heart wouldnt allow it